When we experience abuse, neglect, consistent emotional invalidation or difficult experiences in childhood, it profoundly impacts our ability to trust others and feel safe in relationships. The entire nervous system becomes wired to perceive potential danger, often leading us to instinctively protect ourselves in ways that are meant to prevent bad things from happening again. This heightened state of alertness, or emotional numbness, can make even the most ordinary interactions with loved ones, feel threatening or uncertain.

When we are developing, we learn ways of being that help to keep use safe and get what we need from a caregiver, and we learn to minimise other ways of being, such as staying quiet and not expressing our needs if caregiver is consistently not responsive, or conversely, making lots of noise as this gets their attention; different parts of us may use these different ways of being in different situations. As our brains develop, the neurones and parts associated with those ways of being that work for us to get what we need in childhood will become stronger, and other ways of being weaker, or less accessible. These patterns then become a large part of how we relate to other adults, and especially our intimate partners.

Some parts of us might withdraw emotionally or physically from a partner, distancing ourselves to avoid vulnerability. Other parts may become defensive, quick to react in ways that push others away, or shut down entirely, retreating inwardly to avoid confrontation or emotional pain. Some parts of us may feel abandoned or neglected when a partner doesn't respond as quickly as expected, triggering feelings of insecurity, or the belief that we are unlovable. Some parts of us may feel we must prove our worth or constantly meet certain expectations, just to maintain the connection. Some parts of us can find it difficult to navigate conflict, leading to overreactions, misunderstandings, or an inability to resolve disagreements healthily. Parts of us might become overly self-critical, questioning our own actions, or turn that criticism outward, blaming others for perceived flaws or failures in the relationship. Other parts of us may feel defective, broken, or "bad", leading us to feel unworthy of love or connection. This can make intimate relationships incredibly challenging, as the emotional and physical walls built to protect oneself from further harm can simultaneously block the ability to truly connect or trust others.

I offer relationship therapy with an integrated approach that combines Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) Therapy, and The Gottman Method. My work primarily explores how the childhood experiences of all partners are impacting the current relationship. The goal of our work together is to help each partner gain a deeper understanding and exploration, of the protective behaviours that may have developed in response to experiences in childhood. These protective behaviors, though well-intentioned, can sometimes create barriers to emotional connection and intimacy within the relationship.

Our primary focus will be on fostering emotional safety, safe communication, and a deeper sense of trust and friendship. We will work together to create a supportive environment where each partner can feel seen, heard, and understood, helping to rebuild and strengthen the emotional bond within the relationship. Through this integrative therapeutic approach, the goal is to cultivate a healing, empathetic, and resilient partnership that can navigate the challenges of trauma, while deepening connection. I will provide education, practical interventions and deeper emotional exploration to help you develop a framework for the relationship that you both want. Ultimately, the goal is to help you feel more secure, understood, and connected as a team.

As is best practise, the first two sessions will be about gaining an understanding of your relationship and seeing if I, and relationship therapy, is the best fit. If it is agreed that my services are not the best fit, then I will refer you to someone else. During the first session I will see you together, during the second session/s I will see each of you individually, then following this you will be seen together. Please note that it is recommended, but not required, that you seek individual trauma-informed therapy during the relationship therapy.