Therapy with Phoebe

I believe that everyone deserves to find inner peace and safety after childhood trauma

After trauma, many people feel that they are angry, or bad, or scared, or worthless, this is not true, but parts of us may feel like this because they feel that being angry, or blaming ourselves, or staying small and quiet, can help to protect us from bad things happening again. Our parts work so hard to protect us from pain.

They stop us from being vulnerable so we don’t get hurt, they make us please, show hostility towards, or avoid others, so others don’t hurt us. Parts of us may feel that emotional closeness is unsafe, even when as human beings that is what we most truly desire, or that relationships come with price tags attached. Parts of us may believe that the best we can expect from a relationship is to be tolerated, but not truly and fully seen and loved. Parts of us will constantly try to sabotage our relationships, because safe relationships feel so unfamiliar. They make us freeze, or make our heart beat really fast, so we become angry or anxious, so we never have to be in demeaning situations, or feel those horrible emotions again. They might make us take risks, or do things that distract us from the pain that we hold inside, so that we don’t have to feel it. They might make us act out, zone-out, withdraw or avoid things.

Different parts of us might want different things, this creates anxiety in our system; one part might want to be close to our partner, but another feels rejected and wants to show anger or withdrawal, to avoid the feelings of rejection. Parts of us might be critical of ourselves or others to keep us perfectionistic, to stop us feeling vulnerable or ashamed about ourselves. Some of our parts might not want us to focus, and constantly have us zoning out, or experience intrusive thoughts. Our parts work in many ways to keep us safe. You might feel that some of your parts are running your life, or interject in ways that might make things worse for you. Working in a way that helps you to build relationships with the different parts in your system, through acceptance and understanding, will help your whole inner system feel safety and peace, even after severe trauma.

As well as parts, we also all have a core Self within us that is an inherent source of wisdom, compassion, calm and confidence. As we navigate your internal landscape, we aim to empower your true Self to lead the way, helping to heal the various parts that may be in conflict, causing distress, or holding the trauma.

Work With Me

When we can understand ourselves as a system of different parts and we can build an internal relationship with our parts, then we can heal the burdens and trauma that our parts carry

Success Stories

One client experienced intense fluctuations in her emotions, alternating between anger and people-pleasing behaviors, struggled with recognizing her own needs, and grappled with feelings of shame and worthlessness, also experiencing social anxiety, perfectionism, difficulties with focus and motivation for work and self-care, and tended to engage in risky behaviors. Trauma impacted every aspect of her life.
Through therapy, this client developed a deeper understanding and safety in her internal system through befriending her protective parts, which facilitated the processing of her childhood trauma. This therapeutic work allowed her to regain control over her emotions, cultivate self-compassion, and improve her interpersonal relationships. As a result, she experienced more relaxed interactions with friends and her partner, became more effective and stable at work, and reduced her anxiety and perfectionism. She also learned to express her own worth and established practices of self-love and self-care
Disclaimer: This story represents a combination of experiences I have had with clients over the last 10 years.
This couple engaged in relationship therapy to address significant issues in their relationship, including emotional disconnection, communication difficulties, and individual trauma responses. At the outset, they were uncertain about their future together, as they had exhausted various strategies to address their persistent disconnection. Their relationship had deteriorated to the point where they frequently engaged in arguments, with one partner pursuing closeness while the other withdrew, leading to mutual feelings of rejection.
The couple struggled with communication, and felt they had lost their sense of friendship, love, and affection. Therapy provided them with an understanding of trauma responses, and insights into their communication patterns and emotional responses, which helped them to really understand each other. They were able to explore their individual trauma responses and how to support one-another, which fostered a sense of safety and connection.
Through this process, the couple learned to support one another in times of need and to navigate difficult conversations constructively. As a result, they renewed their affection and intimacy and learned to work as a cohesive team capable of facing challenges together.
Disclaimer: This story reflects a combination of experiences I have had with clients over the last 10 years.
One client sought therapy due to profound feelings of shame and worthlessness, stemming from childhood trauma. He struggled to express his emotions and felt that he was a burden, which impacted his self-confidence and ability to form friendships. These issues also affected his ability to articulate his feelings and needs, heightened his sensitivity in social and work environments, and contributed to feelings of depression and social anxiety.
Throughout therapy, we worked on understanding this client’s protective parts, and he gained valuable insights into how these feelings were attempting to protect him, by keeping him isolated and small. Over time this client was able to heal and process his trauma, which led to increased self-confidence, improved ability to set boundaries with friends and family, and a stronger sense of self-worth. He experienced greater freedom and ease in making friends, engaging with new people, and managing relationships with authority figures. His feelings of shame and worthlessness significantly diminished as he recognised that his childhood experiences were not his fault, and developed greater self-compassion.
Disclaimer: This story reflects a combination of experiences I have had with clients over the last 10 years.